First…

First…

Do you remember your first kiss?

Your first heartbreak?

The first time that you drove a car?

What about your first steps?

Your first words?

Life is filled with firsts. Regardless of us being able to recall them or not, they still happened.

The average American takes 6,000, yet we each will only have one first step.

While the average person kisses 22-25 people before they find ” the one”, but I am sure the first is unforgettable. No matter if it was good or bad.

First times are more often than not celebrated while we are young. Somehow the excitement of firsts fizzles out as we mature. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

I am purposing to consciously seek new firsts in my life and to celebrate or document them in some fashion.

I would like to challenge you to do the same and to do so with a childlike excitement. No matter how big or small celebrate your firsts, expand your horizons.

Learn to ride a bike, fly a kite, wear bangs, skip rocks, eat something new, color your hair, try a different cut of underwear…

The possibilities are endless!

What was your last first??

Whatever it maybe, I’m proud of you and I hope that you will be of me.

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Page turned!

Page turned!

Life is like a story book, a story book written by God. He is the author and the illustrator. He knows His work from beginning to the end and everything in between.

We , we are the characters in our book. We live this thing called life as it is written by the author, our Heavenly Father.

The unique thing about this thing called life is that it’s written by our Father, but it’s interactive. We aren’t just written in, we are also given a realm of free reign within the pages of our story.

At times we may not like, appreciate or be comfortable with the path that our storyline is taking.

One of the great things about our author, our creator is that we are blessed with the ability to move from one chapter to the next, we simply have to… turn the page!!!

PAGE TURNED!!! (Enough said) 💋

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Alone…

Alone…

Life is not meant to be lived alone, yet that is where I find myself.

Always there for everyone else but when I most need someone all I have is me.

I listen to the triumphs and the pains of those that I love.

Yet I find myself sitting here alone, at a crossroads, clueless on which way to go, alone.

Imagine how difficult it is to cry on your own shoulder, to sort out your own pros and cons.

I cry myself to sleep and dry my own eyes as I tell myself things are going to be okay.

Not effective.

As my world spins out of control, I realize that all I have in this world is me.

Alone.

And it’s cold and dark. I don’t like it here…

Alone!

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Friends…🙄

Friends…🙄

Friends… true friends, these days are nearly impossible to find.

These friends, so called friends these days are most concerned about raping your mind.

In times of crises they are focused on the what, when and who. Too busy being nosey to be a friend that’s true.

You coin a phrase, they use it more than you and the things you once loved they rush to beat you to do.

Friend, lol, what does the word mean today. These so called friends, with your emotions they play.

Where will these pseudo friends be when to sleep your soul does lay?

During my dark times I’ve learned that fictitious character of friend no longer exists.

In today’s world they smile in your face while stabbing you in the front and calling you sis!!

The friends of today… don’t need them, I’ll pass and to those that play the role thinking I don’t see what you’re doing… y’all bitches can kiss my big yellow ass!!

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Through the Fire…

Through the Fire…

Life gets heavy, when I say heavy I mean heavy heavy!

There are times that life can get so tough that you pray for a way to tap out.

Many buckle under the pressure, some find ways to escape mentally or even physically.

Drugs are an escape to alter ones state of mind… life ain’t so heavy when you are floating on a cloud.

There are those who simply run out of what they think are the only options, so they end it.

I get it! I can empathize with both! I have fought the demon of the latter more often than I care to think about. Especially as of late.

I have often heard the heaviness of life referred to as ” being thrown in the fire or having your feet to the fire.” And I always thought it was a reference to catching or going through hell.

In my growth in Christ I have realized that fire isn’t necessarily always a bad thing!

Don’t get me wrong, it is going to burn and it is undoubtedly going to hurt.

But sometimes we have to hurt to heal. (I have always despised that saying.)

I strive to look at my trials, tribulations, hard times, heavy times as the REFINERS FIRE!

The Bible speaks of it in Malachi 3:2, and I thank the Lord for leading to the passage.

The above mentioned is process used to purify metal. The Refiner (God) uses the heat of the fire to reduce the metal to nearly a liquid state to get the impurity’s out, which purifies the metal (Gold).

That heaviness snd pressure that we feel when life gets heavy and we can’t go on is just like that fire.

The heat in our lives is turned up at times to get some of the impure things out of us so that we can be the best that we can be.

Yes it hurts, but being turned nearly into liquid can feel too good either.

The good news is that once the gold cools back down after removed from the fire, it is beautiful and pure, it doesn’t look anything like what it went through.

If we could just learn to HOLD ON as life turns the heat up on us and God removes unclean things from us, we will become whole again. We won’t even look like what we went through to get there.

It is difficult and God knows there are times that I truly want to quit. But, I am trusting God(and keeping you eyes and heart focused on Him) to take me THROUGH THE FIRE, so that I can be my best me.

Hold on, I know the fire is hot and you feel like you are being taken out, but God is the refiner of all refiners and He is working it out for your good!!

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Invisibly and inaudibly Me.

Invisibly and inaudibly Me.

Here I sit invisible, in plain view.

Out loud I cry, yet inaudible to you.

No wonder you don’t see my pain, But with the simplest of tasks I constantly strain.

I’m invisible!

You say I don’t tell you how I feel, that my pain I don’t share, no I do tell you, no matter how hard it is for me bear.

I’m in audible.

You don’t see me, refuse to hear me, yet my suffering doesn’t relent. I thank God for those few that do though, they have to be heaven sent.

Lord, I still truly thank you even though is quite lonely and frustrating living this life, invisibly and inaudibly me.

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

As I die before your eyes…

As I die before your eyes…

As I answer every call providing encouragement, companionship, and love; do you see me dying before your eyes?

As I struggle to come to you do you see that I can barely stand? That my joints ache? That my knees are buckling? That I can’t feel my feet?

Do you realize that with every step that I take pain that is like fire in my bones shooting through my body?

When you insist on texting instead of taking my calls do you even remember that I can’t feel my fingers? That my hands are cramping up? Or that my shoulders hurt so bad that I struggle to hold my phone?

Ever wonder why I wear the same five outfits repeatedly? No it’s not all that I have, but it’s what hurts the least. Do you know that taking a shower brings tears to my eyes because the water feels like shards of glass cutting through my skin? That I struggle to sleep because the sheets hurt… oh yeah and zippers are nearly impossible.

BUT, when you need me I am here! When you are weak I pray and console you. I wear a smile in my voice and manage to tell a joke or two to lighten your mood. I give you my shoulder to lean on when you cry and even wipe the tears from your eyes physically and sometimes virtually.

Do you know that I go days with no one to talk to? I make go a week with no human interaction. What shoulder do I have to lean on? Can’t tell you how infrequently I’m embraced.

My illnesses and symptoms are VERY real, I suffer everyday. But because you don’t see them, they aren’t a reality to you and my suffering goes unnoticed… as I slowly die before your eyes.

©Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved