Imagine…

Imagine…

Imagine living your entire married life in a fishbowl, for all of the world to see and scrutinize.

Imagine the constant following of the media…not only for your spouse, who is a public figure, but for you and your underaged children.

Imagine early one Sunday morning not only losing your husband and your child, but for it to be broadcasted on every channel ALL day.

Imagine your family and close friends gaining the knowledge of the loss through social media or television.

Imagine having to mourn the loss of your beloved child and husband under the watchful eyes of the world!!!

Wait now imagine that your last name is Altobelli… Chester… Mauser… Zobayan… and early this same Sunday morning you also suffered a loss of a mother, father, daughter, sister…

Imagine your loved ones are Refferred to as … “And eight other passengers, died”.

Imagine your family finding out on social media as well or by the smut reporting of none other than the calloused and insensitive reporting of TMZ.

I can’t begin to imagine any of this and I pray to never have to walk in these shoes. But if God does decide for something similar to be my fate, I would hope that people would take at least a few moments to consider me and my family before speaking out of their ignorance.

I pray for all families affected by this tragedy. I pray for the friends and loved ones as well.

I ask that before the onlookers and so called fans weigh in with their opinions and statements that they would take a moment to imagine… imagine it were you and yours.

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Reality Bites

Reality Bites

“Reality bites”, a phrase I’ve heard from time to time. I didn’t follow the meaning until life applied it to mine.

Scrolling through family photos that captured moments in time. My nostalgic warm and fuzzies ended as thoughts flooded my mind.

Vast majority memories of the “sisters” beautiful and fine was missing something… the face unaccounted for was sadly mine.

My mother has four girls yet the memories to be passed on only depict three. Yep that unaccounted sister is yours truly, unimportant me.

As a teen I was a runner, when things got to my level of unbearable, I would remove myself and flee.

For those years I get it. Understandably, out of sight out of mind… so no pictures would have been captured of me at that time.

Yet as adults birthdays, holidays, or just times of hanging out, still no records of me; I sit here with a pout.

I’ve tried to make mends, still in the family tree, most wont even notice the missing branch, yeah me.

I guess it’s pretty easy to look right over me, even when with the sisters the odd ball is me. I act as if I don’t care, I hide my tears from any to see.

Reality is I don’t have anywhere that I fit, no family unit that claims that I am a part. I guess I brought it on myself but it still hurts my heart.

Inside I scream “save a spot for me”, the biting part is all is well in the world with just the three.

So I’ll get back comfortable I’m the shadows, the place where secrets and embarrassment lurk. Smiling on the outside,yet inside truly hurt.

Not invited to participate while the youngest walk that aisle and say I do. Know that on that day I will day a prayer for you.

Today

Today

Today has been a day to say the very least.

Today has been a day that my frustrations did increase.

Quiet, I’ve been quiet, quiet most of this day today.

If I had not been quiet, some would have felt some type of way.

See I have been holding in so much, so much I try not to say.

Had I opened my mouth instead of being quiet on today, I’d have had a case of word vomit and too much I’m sure I’d say.

So thank you Lord Jesus for silencing me today and please help me to find a way to express what I need to say.

Just not today.

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

A piece without a puzzle…

A piece without a puzzle…

What turn was it that made life so lonely?

What event was it that made me invisible?

It used to be that I thought I was an interchangeable part.

Able to adapt to any situation or environment.

Only to have become a piece without a puzzle…

Not fitting in anywhere…

Just alone amongst others with purpose, lonely me.

First…

First…

Do you remember your first kiss?

Your first heartbreak?

The first time that you drove a car?

What about your first steps?

Your first words?

Life is filled with firsts. Regardless of us being able to recall them or not, they still happened.

The average American takes 6,000, yet we each will only have one first step.

While the average person kisses 22-25 people before they find ” the one”, but I am sure the first is unforgettable. No matter if it was good or bad.

First times are more often than not celebrated while we are young. Somehow the excitement of firsts fizzles out as we mature. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

I am purposing to consciously seek new firsts in my life and to celebrate or document them in some fashion.

I would like to challenge you to do the same and to do so with a childlike excitement. No matter how big or small celebrate your firsts, expand your horizons.

Learn to ride a bike, fly a kite, wear bangs, skip rocks, eat something new, color your hair, try a different cut of underwear…

The possibilities are endless!

What was your last first??

Whatever it maybe, I’m proud of you and I hope that you will be of me.

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Page turned!

Page turned!

Life is like a story book, a story book written by God. He is the author and the illustrator. He knows His work from beginning to the end and everything in between.

We , we are the characters in our book. We live this thing called life as it is written by the author, our Heavenly Father.

The unique thing about this thing called life is that it’s written by our Father, but it’s interactive. We aren’t just written in, we are also given a realm of free reign within the pages of our story.

At times we may not like, appreciate or be comfortable with the path that our storyline is taking.

One of the great things about our author, our creator is that we are blessed with the ability to move from one chapter to the next, we simply have to… turn the page!!!

PAGE TURNED!!! (Enough said) 💋

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Alone…

Alone…

Life is not meant to be lived alone, yet that is where I find myself.

Always there for everyone else but when I most need someone all I have is me.

I listen to the triumphs and the pains of those that I love.

Yet I find myself sitting here alone, at a crossroads, clueless on which way to go, alone.

Imagine how difficult it is to cry on your own shoulder, to sort out your own pros and cons.

I cry myself to sleep and dry my own eyes as I tell myself things are going to be okay.

Not effective.

As my world spins out of control, I realize that all I have in this world is me.

Alone.

And it’s cold and dark. I don’t like it here…

Alone!

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved