Treasured Black Man…

Treasured Black Man…

I know a black man that is a super man to me. Through the years our friendship has lasted.
You’ve seen me through the good and the bad.
Applauded my highs, been selflessly supportive in the lows.
Not a time that we talk that you dont make me laugh.
Always thinking of the little things and aren’t afraid to share your dreams.
Black man you are strong with a gentle heart.
Your determination is contagious… infecting those that love you.
Those that love you like me!!
You are my friend, without doubt I can say.
Thank you for being you!!
Black man… you are loved, treasured, needed, desired, admired, and so much more… most of all black man your life MATTERS!

Dedicated to my muse…TT

You are a treasure in my eyes!

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Quarantine 2020 in the good ol US of A

Today marks one month that my current city has been under “quarantine”…
Over the last month my views, theories, thoughts, and opinions have come and gone and revisited.
One thing for sure that remains is that this SUCKS!!
If you don’t agree, just don’t come for me about my truth on my rant!!
Okay I get it there are an ever growing amount of unknowns and uncertainties coming full speed constantly.
So that being said, things change A LOT and FAST!
But something has to give!!!
No toilet paper, hand sanitizer, alcohol (rubbing), wet wipes, water, etc to be found!
Social distancing is the mantra until the exception is the exception.
The things that would have landed you on the other side of the law are now required!
Children not attending school…
Stores limiting buying food…
In your PJs working from home…
No longer odd to sit home alone
No more southern hospitality
You are weird if you speak
No honor to the dead
Empty New York streets
I never thought I would see where locking your child in the house for over a month didn’t earn you a visit from CPS.
A Black man in a mask would normally be shot dead in the streets!!
But now thanks to Corvid 19 we are being reconditioned to turn a deaf ear and develop a blind eye!
The market crashes, crime is at an all time low.
2020, please hurry up and go!!

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Imagine…

Imagine…

Imagine living your entire married life in a fishbowl, for all of the world to see and scrutinize.

Imagine the constant following of the media…not only for your spouse, who is a public figure, but for you and your underaged children.

Imagine early one Sunday morning not only losing your husband and your child, but for it to be broadcasted on every channel ALL day.

Imagine your family and close friends gaining the knowledge of the loss through social media or television.

Imagine having to mourn the loss of your beloved child and husband under the watchful eyes of the world!!!

Wait now imagine that your last name is Altobelli… Chester… Mauser… Zobayan… and early this same Sunday morning you also suffered a loss of a mother, father, daughter, sister…

Imagine your loved ones are Refferred to as … “And eight other passengers, died”.

Imagine your family finding out on social media as well or by the smut reporting of none other than the calloused and insensitive reporting of TMZ.

I can’t begin to imagine any of this and I pray to never have to walk in these shoes. But if God does decide for something similar to be my fate, I would hope that people would take at least a few moments to consider me and my family before speaking out of their ignorance.

I pray for all families affected by this tragedy. I pray for the friends and loved ones as well.

I ask that before the onlookers and so called fans weigh in with their opinions and statements that they would take a moment to imagine… imagine it were you and yours.

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Reality Bites

Reality Bites

“Reality bites”, a phrase I’ve heard from time to time. I didn’t follow the meaning until life applied it to mine.

Scrolling through family photos that captured moments in time. My nostalgic warm and fuzzies ended as thoughts flooded my mind.

Vast majority memories of the “sisters” beautiful and fine was missing something… the face unaccounted for was sadly mine.

My mother has four girls yet the memories to be passed on only depict three. Yep that unaccounted sister is yours truly, unimportant me.

As a teen I was a runner, when things got to my level of unbearable, I would remove myself and flee.

For those years I get it. Understandably, out of sight out of mind… so no pictures would have been captured of me at that time.

Yet as adults birthdays, holidays, or just times of hanging out, still no records of me; I sit here with a pout.

I’ve tried to make mends, still in the family tree, most wont even notice the missing branch, yeah me.

I guess it’s pretty easy to look right over me, even when with the sisters the odd ball is me. I act as if I don’t care, I hide my tears from any to see.

Reality is I don’t have anywhere that I fit, no family unit that claims that I am a part. I guess I brought it on myself but it still hurts my heart.

Inside I scream “save a spot for me”, the biting part is all is well in the world with just the three.

So I’ll get back comfortable In the shadows, the place where secrets and embarrassment lurk. Smiling on the outside,yet inside is truly hurt.

Not invited to participate while the youngest walk that aisle and say I do. Know that on that day I will day a prayer for you.

Today

Today

Today has been a day to say the very least.

Today has been a day that my frustrations did increase.

Quiet, I’ve been quiet, quiet most of this day today.

If I had not been quiet, some would have felt some type of way.

See I have been holding in so much, so much I try not to say.

Had I opened my mouth instead of being quiet on today, I’d have had a case of word vomit and too much I’m sure I’d say.

So thank you Lord Jesus for silencing me today and please help me to find a way to express what I need to say.

Just not today.

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

First…

First…

Do you remember your first kiss?

Your first heartbreak?

The first time that you drove a car?

What about your first steps?

Your first words?

Life is filled with firsts. Regardless of us being able to recall them or not, they still happened.

The average American takes 6,000, yet we each will only have one first step.

While the average person kisses 22-25 people before they find ” the one”, but I am sure the first is unforgettable. No matter if it was good or bad.

First times are more often than not celebrated while we are young. Somehow the excitement of firsts fizzles out as we mature. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

I am purposing to consciously seek new firsts in my life and to celebrate or document them in some fashion.

I would like to challenge you to do the same and to do so with a childlike excitement. No matter how big or small celebrate your firsts, expand your horizons.

Learn to ride a bike, fly a kite, wear bangs, skip rocks, eat something new, color your hair, try a different cut of underwear…

The possibilities are endless!

What was your last first??

Whatever it maybe, I’m proud of you and I hope that you will be of me.

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Page turned!

Page turned!

Life is like a story book, a story book written by God. He is the author and the illustrator. He knows His work from beginning to the end and everything in between.

We , we are the characters in our book. We live this thing called life as it is written by the author, our Heavenly Father.

The unique thing about this thing called life is that it’s written by our Father, but it’s interactive. We aren’t just written in, we are also given a realm of free reign within the pages of our story.

At times we may not like, appreciate or be comfortable with the path that our storyline is taking.

One of the great things about our author, our creator is that we are blessed with the ability to move from one chapter to the next, we simply have to… turn the page!!!

PAGE TURNED!!! (Enough said) 💋

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Through the Fire…

Through the Fire…

Life gets heavy, when I say heavy I mean heavy heavy!

There are times that life can get so tough that you pray for a way to tap out.

Many buckle under the pressure, some find ways to escape mentally or even physically.

Drugs are an escape to alter ones state of mind… life ain’t so heavy when you are floating on a cloud.

There are those who simply run out of what they think are the only options, so they end it.

I get it! I can empathize with both! I have fought the demon of the latter more often than I care to think about. Especially as of late.

I have often heard the heaviness of life referred to as ” being thrown in the fire or having your feet to the fire.” And I always thought it was a reference to catching or going through hell.

In my growth in Christ I have realized that fire isn’t necessarily always a bad thing!

Don’t get me wrong, it is going to burn and it is undoubtedly going to hurt.

But sometimes we have to hurt to heal. (I have always despised that saying.)

I strive to look at my trials, tribulations, hard times, heavy times as the REFINERS FIRE!

The Bible speaks of it in Malachi 3:2, and I thank the Lord for leading to the passage.

The above mentioned is process used to purify metal. The Refiner (God) uses the heat of the fire to reduce the metal to nearly a liquid state to get the impurity’s out, which purifies the metal (Gold).

That heaviness snd pressure that we feel when life gets heavy and we can’t go on is just like that fire.

The heat in our lives is turned up at times to get some of the impure things out of us so that we can be the best that we can be.

Yes it hurts, but being turned nearly into liquid can feel too good either.

The good news is that once the gold cools back down after removed from the fire, it is beautiful and pure, it doesn’t look anything like what it went through.

If we could just learn to HOLD ON as life turns the heat up on us and God removes unclean things from us, we will become whole again. We won’t even look like what we went through to get there.

It is difficult and God knows there are times that I truly want to quit. But, I am trusting God(and keeping you eyes and heart focused on Him) to take me THROUGH THE FIRE, so that I can be my best me.

Hold on, I know the fire is hot and you feel like you are being taken out, but God is the refiner of all refiners and He is working it out for your good!!

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

How will your chapter read?

How will your chapter read?

It is so often said that people are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime; I truly believe this.

It’s my belief that God places each person in our life, no matter how big or small the role, to help us in fulfilling our assignments here.

God created Adam and gifted him with Eve. As women we are designed to be our spouses helpmate. We are to bring peace and positivity in the life of our protector and head of our household.

We are intended to be friends and helpers of all of Gods creations. Positive things should be our common goal. In friendships, relationships, or any other type of `ship, we should try to leave others better when we leave than they were before they met us.

As we move about our days in one another’s lives, what types of chapters are you writing in the book of others lives? Is your contribution that of encouragement, inspiration, and sweet pleasant dreams??? OR …is yours negative, a magnet for despair, just a miserable nightmare??

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

I have questions…

I have questions…

Dear Suicide Successor,

I write this letter because I have questions. Questions I can’t ask because unfortunately you succeeded. But still I have questions, I have questions!!

What did we miss? What were the signs? I have questions!

How long were you suffering? Was it an eventual build up? Did something happen suddenly? Was it me? I have questions!

What about those of us left behind? Did you think of the pain that it would inflict? Why wasn’t our love enough? Why didn’t you tell me or make it clear to me? Could we have talked about it?

I know what it’s like to battle those demons. I too have had to keep the voices at bay. You know that nagger that tells you you aren’t good enough, that you are a failure, that things will never get better, or that your loved ones are better off without you. I have fought it, I have gone round for round, I have stood in those shoes, I have cried those lonely silent tears… but still I have questions.

What spawned you to stop swinging? Why did you give up the fight?

Did you say goodbye? Did it you change your mind a moment too late? Did it hurt? Do you remember? I have questions!!

I don’t know what to feel! One moment I am angry, then sad, totally confused, I feel guilty, like I failed you…out of nowhere the tears start falling, then I find myself smiling at our memories and that turns into laughter… that turn back into tears!! I’m mad at you, no I miss you, but yes I am mad, but more than anything I’m sad.

So many things I want to know. Pieces to the puzzle that have been snatched away. The one person that could shed some light cut their days short and quite honestly it’s not fair!!!!! Because… I HAVE QUESTIONS!!!

And you aren’t here to answer…

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved