I don’t belong here…

I don’t belong here…

I know within my heart of hearts that I am not from here. I’m not from this place, this dimension, or space.

I am here on borrowed time, in a borrowed body, and living in borrowed time.

I refuse to adapt, to try to fit in… for I trust that I will soon transcend again.

Back to the place of love and genuineness.

To the place full of pretty colors and many flowers in bloom.

I’ll go through the motions in this place full of hate and strife.

But I will do it on my own terms, that’s how I’ll live this tainted life.

I know I’m a Heavenly being in a hell filled place.

Help me Father to fulfill my destiny and please protect your child from the traps set for me.

I don’t belong here, this world is not for me!

© Tracylily 2016 All Rights Reserved

Sowing and Reaping

I have always heard ” gurl you gone reap what sow!” I have head it from childhood til yesterday.

My observation is that when most people say it they do so with a scowl on their face and a crooked pointed finger. As if this is a curse or hex!

Many things are a manner of understanding and interpretation.

I personally do not believe that this particular scripture (oh yes, this is biblical, found in Galatians 6:7) was meant solely to damn a person to negativity.

If you look at it a little differently, we all on an everyday basis reap something that someone else took the time to sow.

Prime example food, especially produce!! We didn’t go out and tend to the ground to be able to plant those ripe red tomatoes. We did not one day water them. Nor did we pick nary one. But some of us can’t eat a salad or a burger without a juicy red tomato. Each time you take a bite you are reaping from someone else’s harvest.

Let’s try to turn this around to a positive… if you sow happy thoughts you will reap happy actions. If you sow a good and on time work ethic, you will reap a paycheck.

If all you do is think and speak negatively, you can surely expect darkness and negativity to come your way. If you sow pricked pears don’t you dare expect a harvest of Golden Delicious apples.

I ask you today what are you sowing? And what are you expecting to reap???



Conversation with my Heavenly Father:

Me: Now Lord, Your word says that you will never leave us or forsake us, right?

Him: Never have never will…

Me: You also said that You would never put more on me than I can bear without providing a way from under it , right?

Him: correct!

Me: You said you will keep me in the midst of the fiery furnace like you did Shadrach, meshak, and abindigo? (Lord you know I can’t spell their names)

Him: Yes I am with you in the fire, and the spelling doesn’t matter.

Me: Lord, things are looking REALLY lonely. Seems like my family and friends are all too busy to care about what I’m going through!

Him: (silence)

Me: Lord, my knees are buckling, my arms are shaking, I don’t think I can take another step. I’m tired!

Him: (silence)

Me: Things are falling apart all around me. Seems like on every side.

Him: (silence)

Me: (In tears) Jesus, why aren’t you answering?? You said your Word could not return to you void!! You aren’t saying anything!! Why God?? Why?

Him: (yet still silent)

Me: What about that love God?? You know the one that supposed to make people love despite of… I can’t remember what it’s called. But whatever it is people don’t love me or they don’t love me right.

Him: Agape’

Me: Yes that’s it! Where is that when I need it?

(Silence fills the room and hangs there for a long while)

Him: (breaking the silence)
Are you finished?

(All I can do is nod yes through my tears)

Him: My child, dry your tears and hear me clearly. I have never nor will I ever leave your side. I am with you in happiness and sadness.

It is me that catches every tear of sadness and recycles them to tears of joy.

It is me that mends your heart every time someone pinches a piece off as you wear it on your sleeve.

It is me that rocks you to sleep as you fight it in worry about tomorrow.

Yes your friends and families may seem to be distant. I need you alone so I can refuel you when you are running on fumes. You require a different octane.

Your legs are shaking, yes I know. Sometimes to build muscle you have to break it down to failure to find out your full potential.
Yes things are falling apart around you and it’s uncomfortable on every side. Pressure from everywhere. But let me tell you something about pressure, it can cause various results because of its presence… it most certainly can build up and burst pipes causing catastrophic damage. YET At the same time that same pressure can produce the most durable, sought after, beautiful substances known to man!! A DIAMOND!!

So my daughter know that I love you, know that I will never leave you, know I see you trembling and I know I that you are uncomfortable… BUT Tracy sit still and know that I AM God that loves you beyond measure and circumstance. I see you as you were, as you are, and you what you have yet to become.

You are the most durable of your peers and the most radiant. The pressure will soon release and you will then shine as the true gem that you are!!!