I was once told that history always wins out over the present. The context in which this was said to be me was pertaining to relationships.
Now this was many many years ago that my “boyfriend” at the time informed me of this. It was during a time that we were dating but beknowst to me his ex long time girlfriend was still a factor.
As fate would have it the then ex and I had an impromptu meeting that resulted in him having to make a decision.
Surprisingly and thankfully at the time, he chose me.
We were happy for a while before he started acting very different and eventually we broke up. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he went back and to her.
She the past won out over me,the present. I was heartbroken. In my heart of hearts truly loved him. Honestly I still do.
Several years passed with no contact between he and I except for exchanging happy birthdays on social media. Much to my surprise almost seven years later he contacted me via social media. Being that it is as nowhere near either of our birthdays curiosity got the best of me (Along with the soft spot for him in my heart) and I responded.
The stroll down memory lane spawned many tucked away memories for me. We exchanged current pictures and caught one another up relatively quickly. To my shagrin he was still with history.
He and I had always been very open with our feelings for the another. And with the chemistry that we had shared since we first spoke to one another; things took off.
Next thing I know we are making plans. Him flying to me, me flying to him and us meeting up for other trips. It was as if we never left one another. Yet the fact that I knew he was returning to history after each one of our wonderful trips, began to manifest. Feelings of hurt, jealousy,possessiveness resentment, and so much more began to creep into my heart.
When was it my turn to be the victor?? Hadn’t the roles changed?? I wasn’t exactly sure.
On one hand I was now history because she was the present. So wasn’t I entitled the prize of his heart by that alone.!
OR was she still history and I yet again present? Or was I right now?
Confused and hurt I made an executive decision to be never again. Cutting all ties with a man that I still love to this day.
But my love for ME is much stronger. And my faith leads me to believe that God has a one and only to whom I will be his always.
So for that I’ll patiently wait for that to manifest. Continue reading “History over the present….”